Ichigo's night to forget
by Sparrowofthebranch
Summary: Ichigo returns from a hard night of Hollow hunting to find something amiss with his house. He and Kon embark on a journey to discover what is going on and encounter many of the Bleach cast along the way. This is a comedy horror story with a little dash of naughtiness.


**This is a comedy Horror with Ichigo and lots of members from the cast of Bleach, PLEASE REVIEW!**

Ichigo pulled off his shirt and threw it on the bed where Kon was sound asleep, no doubt dreaming of Rukia's subtle mounds. He collapsed on his desk chair and rubbed his shoulders with a moan. He looked at the clock. It was half past two. It had been another hard night of Hollow hunting and that last one had stomped on him like an old crisp packet.

He got up and pulled his pyjamas from under his pillow. He unzipped his trousers and stopped. He went to the wardrobe and pulled open the door. He peeked into the gloom and smiled. No Rukia. Then he went back to the bed, removed his trousers, slipped on his Pjs and climed under the sheets. Kon rolled over, muttered something about Orihime's soft pillows and went back to snoring.

Ichigo closed his eyes and listened to the sound of distent humming traffic. He was having an inapropriate dream about a goal post and Rengiku in a football uniform when something jarred him from his sleep. He sat bolt upright and Kon rolled onto the floor.

'HEY ICHIGO!' yelled Kon as he dived up onto the bed 'WHAT THE HELL YOU PLAYING AT, CAN'T A GUY EVEN GET SOME UNDISTERBED SLEEP AND I WAS HAVING A GREAT DREAM! NO RESPECT YOU HAVE NO RESPEC - mmmmhmmmmmufff'

'SHUT UP!' growled Ichigo as he rammed a hand over Kon's mouth. Kon looked at him curiously and then he heard it to.

'Ichigo...Ichigo' said a distent, yet familier voice.

Kon pulled Ichigo's hand away. 'H-Hey, Ichigo, w -what was that?' he said as his stuffing shook.

'How the hell would I know?' said Ichigo.

'The voice echoed through his room again, viabrating off the darkness 'Ichigo...Ichigo'

The door handle then begun to slowly turn. Kon hid behind Ichigo, leaving behind him a trail of brown stuffing.

'Yuzu?' Ichigo called, but no one answered. The door opened slowly and a figure appeared in the door way.

'ORIHIME!' cried Kon but Ichigo stopped him as he tried to run to her.

'Hey, Orihime, whats wrong' Ichigo asked. She moved forward a little and Ichigo's eyes widened. She was wearing her night dress, large, bleeding cuts dripped from her arms and legs, her light brown hair was crimson and her eyes pale and blank. Ichigo jumped up in horror. She stumbled bare foot towards him and fell, He put his arms out to grab her and she fell right through, vanishing before she hit the floor.

Ichigo's heart beat like a drum against his chest and skipped several beats. He grabbed his phone as Kon sobbed his arms outstreatched where Orihime had vanished.

Ichigo pushed 3 on his speed dial and it begun to ring on Orihime's end. He waited and waited and then, ping, 'Hewow' said a sleepy voice, Ichigo sighed with relief.

'Orihime' he said. Suddenly she was wide awake, there was some fumbling and her phone cluttered to the floor, ringing his ear.

'Kurosaki Kun!' she squeaked 'W - what's wrong?' all she could think about was that Ichigo's voice was in her room, this late at night, while she was wearing her nightdress!

Ichigo hesitated and then said gently 'Nothing, bad dream, go back to sleep Orihime, I'll see you tomorrow at school' and he ended the call. Orihime stared into the earpiece, a worried expression on her face.

Ichigo rubbed his eyes, could he have imagined it but no, Kon saw it too.

'Hey, Kon?' he said.

'Yes?' said Kon, tears streaming from his eyes.

'Orihime is fine, stop your crying'

Kon dried his eyes 'what a relief' he said 'I will have to cuddle Orihime's pillows with more attention to make up for my fright' and his mind moved to an innapropriate place.

'Ah, Orihim - mmmmhmmmm' Ichigo trod on Kon as he moved across the room.

'HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE TREADING YOU GREAT ORANGE HAIRED ...huh. hey what you doing?

Ichigo was examining the open door 'something came through here. something solid, I'm gonna check on Yuzu, Karin and Dad' he said.

'HEY! WAIT FOR ME!' cried Kon, quickly following but before they could leave the door slammed shut and they heard it again.

'Ichigo...Ichigo' it was a familier voice, Ichigo and Kon turned slowly around and Kon's heard nearly exploded as volleys of blood spurted from his nose.

There, kneeling on Ichigo's bed was Matsumoto Rengiku and she was wearing nothing but a very small pair of red lace panties and an ill fitting, matching bra. Ichigo's adams apple went up and down in his gullet like a wallet in a tumble dryer.

'R-R-R-R' he stammered.

Rengiku got off the bed and moved slowly towards him. Every descent bone in Ichigo's body told him to look elsewhere but his eyes wouldn't obey. Rengiku slowly unhooked her bra and it fell to the floor. Kon fainted and Ichigo, who was the same colour as the blood dripping from his nose, lost his head and yanked at the door handle in a desperate attempt to escape but the door was stuck.

Rengiku pushed him against the wall and pinned him there with her breasts. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Ichigo felt all the blood drop from him brain.

He looked to his right and gaped as the door beside him vanished.

'Ichigo...' said a familier voice. There, standing with her back against the door frame was Rukia, wearing only v shaped, pink bikini bottoms. Kon woke up, saw Rukia and fell into a dead faint again.

Rukia approached a now frozen Ichigo, she pushed herself against him. She rubbed the top of his leg and licked his ear in a grotesque fashion. His brain was now gagging for blood and his heart was hammering like a jack hammer in his throat.

'Ichigo...' said a voice he knew far too well. Something licked his neck, he turned his head to see the smiling face of Orihime, he looked down to see that she was not wearing a stich of clothing. Ichigo's brain gave up the ghost and collapsed panting in his skull. Orihime wrapped her leg around his and her hand traveled down and slipped under his waistband. Ichigo let out a howl, pushed all three aside and fled from the room with Kon attached to his ankle. He bounded down the stairs, slammed shut the door at the bottom and held it firmly with both hands.

'Ichigo, you seem so happy to see me' muttered a barly concious Kon.

'SHUT UP!' yelled Ichigo, now half regretting running from the room.

When Ichigo was sure he had not been followed he headed for the kitchen for some water and to add ice to various regions that needed cooling.

He gulped down the water and then opened the fridge. He shielded his eyes from the light and then popped his head inside, the next thing he did, was let out an ear piecing shriek. Kon, what had been getting a drink himself, spilt it all down the from of him, now soggy, he wandered over, bandy legged, to give Ichigo a piece of his mind but then he spied the open fridge and collapsed.

There, on a plate, on the second shelf, was Renji's head.

'R - Renji?' said Ichigo. Renji's head opened its eyes and looked at him, Ichigo backed into the breakfast bar.

'Yo, Ichigo' said Renji's head 'I hope you weren't trying to eat more than your fair share of cake, remeber what Yuzu said'

Ichigo stared wide eyed, 'R-Renji...what happened?'

'What?' said Renji 'Oh, the head thing, don't you remeber?'

'Remember?'

'Yea, you weren't quick enough to stop that sternritter and he lopped off my head, Kiseke managed to preserve it though and I've been hanging out in your fridge ever since...want a yogurt?'

Ichigo shook his head 'Renji...I'm...Renji...'

'There you go again, can all you say is sorry?' said an all too familier voice. Ichigo shrieked.

From out of the shadows stepped a pretty, young man with jet hair who pushed on his specticles.

'Ishida?' gulped Ichigo 'what are you doing here?' Ichigo took in his friends apearence, he was wearing his school uniform but he was covered in blood a gapping sword wound in his stomach.

'Uryuu, what?'

'Don't you remeber Ichigo? You killed me'

'Wha - no - no I'

'You killed me when you failed to save me, when I didn't see things your way, but isn't that what all soul reapers do, our way or the end of a sword?'

'Uryuu...I...'

'Are you going to apologise again Ichigo? Really, what good will that do?'

Ichigo looked at Ishida painfully.

'Are we going to cry now, cry like when you lost your powers to that oaf Ginjo, only an idiot would not have been able to tell that he was not thier friend but then you are an idiot arn't you and always spouting off about how you are going to save everybody, you couldn't protect an egg from its shell, just ask Renji, ('I'd nod but you know, no neck' said Renji from the fridge), you are nothing but a shield with a hole in it'.

Ichigo slid to the floor and stared up at Uryuu.

'Of course there is one way you could do to make it up to me' said Ishida as he pushed on his glasses. He reached behind his back and pulled out. A quincy uniform, covered in bows and lace. Ichigo shrieked and run for his life. a soggy Kon clinging to his shoulder.

Ichigo burst through the door into his father's surgery and into the area where the bed where. It was cold and dark in here. He gripped the end of one of the beds and breathed heavily.

'What's going on?' said Kon hopping down onto the wrinkled quit. 'This is the freakiest thing I have ever been through' he cried 'I'm sick of hanging out around you!'

Ichigo gulped for air but the breath froze in his throat as he heard the sound of wheels and squeeking.

'Dad?' breathed Ichigo into the darkness.

Two shadowy figures appeared in the room, both far too big to be Ishin.

'Now what?' said Kon as he backed away. He hoped on Ichigo's shoulder and quaked behind his ear.

A light suddenly switched on and Ichigo and Kon developed an expression as if they had just been whacked with a wet kipper. There by the window was Chad and Captain Mayuri, both wearing nurses outfits.

Chad had on a short, sexy nurses outfit, with red stockings and suspenders and red stilettos. His chest was on show, he had on a little hat and horribly applied makeup. Mayuri was beside him, looking like a sun flower and wearing a mini nurses dress. He had on white fishnet stockings and lemon suspenders, white stiletto heels and had grown a pair of breasts. He struck a sexy pose.

'Kurosaki, time for your medicine he said in his usual creepy voice. Chad picked up a giant needle 'Yes Ichigo' he said in a raspy, light voice 'time for you injection, be a good boy, pull down your trousers and bend over'.

Ichigo screamed like a banshee and fled the room. He tore open the door to the stairs and was half way up when something crashed through the wall. Standing before him, tall, muscular, incredibly attractive and blue haired was Grimmjow.

'ICHIGO YOU BASTARD, IT's TIME FOR OUR REMATCH!' he cried but just then something crashed through the other wall.

'Hands off hollow, Ichigo is mine, right Ichigo, time to fight?' it was Zaraki. As Grimmjow and Zaraki argued about who was going to gut him first, Ichigo crawled between the two and made it to the landing, he slammed the door shut and collapsed on the carpet.

'Hey, Ichigo' said Kon, pulling at Ichigo's sleeve.

'What now Kon?'

'Look'

Ichigo looked up and gasped. The hallway was dark, the lights where flickering on and off, an odd mist hung in the air and a chill seeped through your skin to the marrow of the bone.

Ichigo got to his feet and moved slowly along the hallway. It seemed to go on forever, he wanted to get to his Dad's room but he couldn't seem to reach a door and then, then he saw something that chilled his bones more than any cold could. Tears welled in his eyes and slipped down his cheek to the floor.

In the middle of the hallway, was Yuzu, in her nightdress, one fuzzy bunny slipper missing, holding onto her teddy and hanging by her neck from the cieling, her back to him.

'Yu - Yu - YUZU!' cried Ichigo and he rushed forward.

Yuzu's corpse turned slowly around her eyes wide and she opened her mouth.

'Ichigo...help...me'

Ichigo tried to grab hold of her, tried to support her tiny frame so that Kon could untie the rope but he couldn't reach her, as he jumped she just got further and further away. On his final leap he crashed to the floor, Yuzu was gone.

'If you had been here this wouldn't have happened' said a voice behind him. Ichigo turned his head to see Karin, a walking corpse, half decompossed.

'Karin...Karin...'

'Karin, Karin, boo hoo' she said coldly 'you can call our names all you want but where where you, you knew I had high spirit energy, you knew the hollows where attracted to me, where were you Ichigo when they came? Soul Society? hueco mundo? Where Ichigo? WHERE?' she screamed.

Ichigo got to his feet and run, he bounded into his fathers room and slammed shut the door. He collapsed onto the floor and leant against the cold wood, panting.

'Ichigo, are you alright?' said a soft and familier voice. Ichigo turned his head to see his father standing there, transparent, a chain dangling from his chest.

'I'm sorry Ichigo...I just wanted to see your mother again...and I couldn't' Ishin let out a howl of pain and Ichigo watched in horror as the chain of fate vanished and a hole opened up in his fathers chest. White liquid spewed from his mouth, his eyes and ears and glued to his face, his body morphed and soon a hidious hollow stood before him.

Ichigo's head swum and he run from the room with Kon still clinging on. He tried to get to his room, tried to get his substitute badge but he ended up downstairs instead.

The lights where on downstairs, it was warm and bright. Ichigo was covered in sweat, salty tears clung to his cheeks and his breathing was ragged. He heard the sound of someone humming. He looked towards the dinner table and there, blonde hair about her shoulders, placing knives and forks beside five dinner plates...was...

'Mom?' said Ichigo 'Mom?' he stumbled unsure towards her.

'Ichigo sweetie, why don't you call your sisters and Dad, dinner is almost ready'

'Mom...?'

Masaki, straightened up. She placed her fingers gently on the table and slowly turned around. Ichigo let out a blood curdling scream, where Masaki's pretty face should have been, was a skull.

Ichigo ran, he tried to open the front door but it wouldn't budge. He slunked to the floor and flung his arms over his head as his mothers terrorfying form swooped down on him and then she was gone. The room was dark and cold once more.

A trembling Ichigo looked up to see a frowning Kon looking down at him.

'Ichigo, whats happening?' asked Kon.

Ichigo wiped the sweat from his lip 'dreams...' he said.

'Huh?' said Kon.

'Dreams, these, these are all my dreams and my nightmares'

Kon suddenly got a very satisfied look on his face.

'What' said Ichigo, suddenly irritated.

'Even the one with Rengiku, Rukia and Orihime?' said Kon as he wiggled his eyebrows. Ichigo turned crimson.

'SHUT UP!' he yelled.

Kon grinned 'Ichigo my man, I suddenly respect you a lot more'

'Great'.

'But if you're dreaming then how come I can see them?' said Kon.

'Because, because you must be a dream to' said Ichigo triumphantly. 'This is all a dream, I'll prove it, you can't read in a dream right. so'

Ichigo got to his feet and grabbed a magazine 'Dad was reading this earlier, I have no idea what it says, if this a dream then I wont be able to read it' he took a deep breath and said loudly 'Dear Akiko, what to do when your teenage son hasn't had a girlfriend yet, from worried in Karakura town'. A vain popped over Ichigo's eye. 'Wait' he said, dropping the magazine. 'You can't feel pain in a dream either. he grabbed a needle from Yuzu's sewing kit and stuck himself with it...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

'I think he might have finally lost it' said a sly voice in Kon's ear.

'Yea' said Kon nodding, then he startled and looked around. There behind him, tall, thin, silver haird and looking perplexed in a childish way was Gin Ichimaru, he smiled widly.

'Oh, Ichigo' he called and waved. Ichigo stopped screaming and turned around to see Gin bounding towards him. Gin picked up the magazine, read it and tutted.

'You know, Aizen had this same concern about you' said Gin looking up at Ichigo.

'WHAT CONCERN!'

'Maybe you should chat to Yumichika' said Gin in a falsley concerned tone.

'I'm going to kill you' said Ichigo, more vains popping in his head.

'Mayuri will just revive me again' said Gin in a sing song way.

'What are you doing here anyway, I don't dream about you'

'Exactly!' said Gin and he jumped up from his crouching position at alarming speed.

'Huh?'

'This isn't a dream and I'm really here'

'Huh?'

'Slow arn't you?' said Gin matter of factly.

'Why you'

'You see we got a report that there was a hollow at your house and so being the good samaritan that I am, I toddled over here to help you out, arn't I grand?' said Gin with a grin.

'Yea, great' said Ichigo with a twitch now appearing under his eye. 'Hey, wait a minute, what happened to your Captains coat?'

'Don't you remember, after I was revived I was demoted to 3rd seat for misbehaving'

'Misbehaving! you run off with Aizen and tried to kill us!'

Gin waved his hand 'I was trying to kill the old sod, not my fault it went wrong and I wasn't trying to kill you, just maime you a bit'.

'Why you' Ichigo sighed, 'about this hollow'

'Oh yes, we got a report that there was one here at your house, with all this freaky stuff going on it must be quite powerful, I've never seen a hollow with powers like this'

'Kon, I'm gonna need your help' said Ichigo as he approached the now backing away plush lion.

'No, not that anything but that'

'Come 'ere' Ichigo grabbed Kon and shuved his hand down his throat.

'How brutel' said Gin 'and they call me sadistic, I don't treat my stuffed toys that way'

'There's fluff on it!' cried Ichigo as he inspected the little green pill. He sighed and popped it in his mouth.

Out popped Soul Reaper Ichigo, looking impressive and ready to go.

'What do you mean there was fluff on it!' yelled Ichigo Kon 'What do you expect, I spend all day in a stuffed toy!'

Before Ichigo could reply a rumble came from the basement.

'Looks like we found the hollow' said Ichigo 'come on'

Gin and Kon followed Ichigo down the dark steps into the basement.

Gin looked back at Kon and grinned 'you know, with two Ichigo's, I feel more like I'm in Orihime's dream than Ichigo's'

'You should have been here earlier' said Kon without thinking 'when Rengiku was naked in Ichigo's room'.

Gin's eyes popped open 'what?' he said looking back.

'Er...er' sweat pooled down, Kon's neck'

'Oh, look' said Gin 'how convinent, a garden rack' and he stepped on it. The rack shot up with horrendous speed and hit Kon between the legs. Kon's tongue rolled up, his eyes swum into the back of his head and he past out cold in the dust.

Ichigo and Gin moved into the centre of the basement which had been curiously cleared to form a bare circle. Then lights dipped, dimmed and went out. Cold crept under there clothes and stuck to there skin, there breath plummed in the air.

'Ichigo...' came three voices, Rengiku, Orihime and Rukia, still unclothed walked, arms streached out to him.

'Hey Ichigo, lets go' said Grimmjow as he and Zaraki approached, swords at the ready.

'Ichigo...help me' came a small voice and Yuzu, her neck broke, stumpled towards him.

'It's your fault' said Karin as her flesh rotted away as she aproached until she was nothing but walking bone.

'ICHIGO!' cried the hollowfied Ishin.

'Sweetie, give Mommy a kiss' said the skull faced Masaki.

'Ichigo, why wont you wear the outfit I made for you' said Ishida who was carrying the plate with Renji's head on it.

'You don owe him' said Renji.

'Ichigo honey, bend over' said Chad in his nurses outfit as he struck a sexy pose and help up an enormous needle.

'Nursey has something good for you' said Mayuri.

Gin looked Ichigo up and down 'and they say I'm warped, I only dream about ponies and persisimon'

As the appiritions drew closer Ichigo begun to panic. 'Where the hell is the hollow!'

'Hmm?' Said Gin peering down. He nudged Ichigo in the ribs.

'What?'

'Down there' said Gin and he pointed to the floor.

Ichigo looked down and there, roaring as if it were a giant was a hollow, no bigger than a mouse. Ichigo looked at Gin.

'This is a joke right?'

'Well, big things come in small packages'

Ichigo lifted his foot and down it came on the screaming hollow, there was a splat and the appiritions vanished, the house was back to normal.

Ichigo got an earful from Chad for waking him up in the middle of the night to see if he was OK. He checked on a sleeping Karin, Yuzu and Ishin and then opened the door to his bedroom, he jumped. Sitting on the bed where Rukia and Renji.

'Heard you had some hollow trouble so we came over to help' said Renji.

'But everything seems fine' said Rukia.

'Yea, there was some trouble but, I had help from a friend'

'Hello' said Gin, popping his head around Ichigo and waving.

Renji and Ichigo greeted the former Captain of squard 3 and then informed both that they had some snacks, Ichigo said he wanted to get back in his body first and left to find Kon. Gin surveyed the door.

'Something wrong?' asked Renji.

'He called me friend' said Gin.

'And?'

'I just feel a little guilty'

'For what'

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' came Ichigo's scream from the vacinity of the basement.

Gin looked at the door and gave a little chuckle.

THE END


End file.
